Resolving Conflicts Creatively

I take the following from Jacqueline Haessly, from her book "Learning to Live Together." I couldn't say it any better so here is what she shares.

"I am fond of the motto, 'Conflict is neither right nor wrong. It just is.' Conflict exists because we are each uniquely different people with diverse likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, needs, and life experiences. Conflicts frequently occur because of opposing needs, limited supplies or resources, or because of real or perceived value differences between us. Yet for most families, few areas trigger a more emotional response.

"If we experience conflict as a test of who is right and who is wrong, who will win and who will lose, we then experience conflict as threatening t ourselves. Here are some stepping stones to creative conflict resolution, using some of the ideas we've already talked about:

"Make people feel loved and affirmed, and they'll want to work together to resolve problems.

"Acknowledge that conflict exists; this is the first step to resolving it.

"Find win-win solutions. Too often conflicts are resolved by determining who is right (and, of course, who is wrong) by blaming and labeling. There are winners and losers, and the winner is often the person who is biggest, oldest, meanest, or the one who can hit the hardest, run the fastest, or stay silent the longest.

"Invite everyone in the family into the decision-making process in ways that allow them to express their ideas and feelings about a conflict honestly. Problem-solving and decision-making--key to good conflict resolution--can be nurtured from a very young age, by encouraging children to choose what to wear, how to spend part of a day or what the family should do after dinner.

"Help children consider the widest possible range of solutions to a problem, not just the 'right' solution. Even consider impossible solutions, so they can learn that sometimes the improbable can become possible.

"Help children understand which solutions are morally unacceptable because they are harmful to another person. Encouragement of violence toward a minority group in a neighborhood or school conflict is one example of unacceptable behavior.

"Give children practice with decision-making and problem-solving in non threatening situations."

Here are a few activities that may help teach problem-solving:

"Animal Sculptures"
Purpose: To encourage decision-making and problem-solving skills, even in very young children. To foster group work on a common project.
How it works: 1) Two people sit out to be "guessers." If more than five players, form two groups. Guessers work together to solve the puzzle. 2) Begin with the youngest player. Think of an animal and tell its name to the group without letting the "guessers" hear. The youngest person then arranges the members of the group to form the animal named. (Five players form on e elephant or dolphin, not five different elephants or dolphins.) 3) "Guessers" try to guess the animal. 4) Rotate so little and big people can take turns being decision-makers and group planners.

Variations: Do same for farm machinery, forms of transportation, small appliances.

"Search for Alternatives"
Purpose: To allow children to practice creative problem-solving in a simple, non-threatening setting.
How it works: Each person thinks of three ways to solve the following problems. Adults can help children understand the problem and identify possible solutions.
1) Toys are always left on the floor at bedtime.
2) One child is always late for dinner.
3) Dad or Mom is always late paying allowances.
4) Dirty laundry is often left lying on the floor.
5) Two people are having a conversation, one is watching TV, one is listening to the radio.
6) Uncle John, who is in a wheelchair, is coming to visit for a week. You want to make his visit pleasant and comfortable for all.
7) The family has decided that Mom and Dad must both work full time to save for a special family need: braces, medical expenses, a trip. What are three necessary changes?
8) Mom is going on a ten-day business trip. Dad and the children will be home alone.

Think of other applicable problems your family may have and write them down. You may consider these problems as possible conversation starters around the dinner table. Be careful, however, you would never want to sour dinner by having heated discussions on solving problems.

"Puppet Theater"
Purpose: To help children act out potential and real conflicts. Young children love puppets and can use them to take on words and behavior that they would otherwise find difficult to communicate.
How it works: 1) Make puppets from old socks or paper bags. Even young children can help to decorate with scraps of fabric or yarn. 2) Use puppets at times when battles emerge about household chores, play activities that exclude the youngest or oldest, sibling rivalries, and other recurring family struggles. Have children alternate roles.

"Instant Replay"
When a seemingly senseless conflict is getting out of hand because parent and child are over-reacting, the phrase "time-out and replay" lets both parties take a time out, then replay the scene. Both parties are then more open to hearing the other person's point of view. This usually leads to a mutually satisfying resolution of the conflict. Everyone's needs can be met, the task can be accomplished, and freedom of choice can be respected and preserved.

Learning Peacemaking Skills with Activities

"The 'peacemaking' skills of affirmation, respecting differences, cooperation, and creative resolution of conflicts, learned early within the security of their own families, give children the foundation of lifelong values. Where love and acceptance are expressed in the home, children can risk testing out new ideas, tying new patterns of behavior. They can risk failure. They can dare to hold beliefs that may differ from the accepted norms of their neighborhoods, schools, and the marketplaces where they will spend their days as adults. And they can learn to respect others who are different." by Jacqueline Haessly in Learning to Live Together

For the next few days, I will be sharing Activities that may help families with the Gifts of "Affirmation," "Cooperation," "Respect for Differences," and "Resolving Conflicts Creatively.

Today I will start with a couple of Affirmation Activities.

"Naming Myself"
Purpose: To allow each member of the family to make positive statements about themselves.
How it works: 1) Family members gather together around a table or in a circle on the floor. 2) Give each person a sheet of paper and a crayon, pen, or pencil. 3) Each person writes the letters of his/her name downward on the paper, for example:

L
O
R
I

4) Write one positive word about yourself or one activity you like to do for each letter of you name. 5) The letters can begin the work, end the word, or be in the middle of the word, for example:

L oveable
h O nest
R eads
pol I te

Variation: Pass a paper with your name on it around the circle and have everyone add one positive word for each letter of your name.

"Family Sharing Time"
Purpose: To allow family members to share with one another some of their likes and dislikes, their hopes, dreams, and fears.
How It Works: 1) Family members gather together around a table or in a circle on the floor. 2) Each person in turn answers one of the following questions or statements. (Be sure to vary the questions after everyone has responded to the first question.) 3) Allow a different child or adult to choose the sharing question each round. 4) Use these questions at meal time, for car conversation, or for family meetings.

Suggested Questions and Statements:

1) Tell about one of your favorite things and why it is your favorite. Let everyone get a chance to speak. Choose one idea for each round--colors, animals, books, music, sports, time of day subject in school, season of the year, place in the house, etc.

2) What is one thing you really like to do in winter, or summer? Why?

3) What do you really like to do when it rains or snows? Why?

4) Tell how you made someone happy today.

5) Tell how someone made you happy today.

6) Tell about one time when you were afraid.

7) Tell about something that made you sad.

8) Tell about one time when you felt shame for something you did. Did you do anything to resolve it?

9) Tell each person in the circle on thing you really like about them.

10) Tell each person in the circle one thing you really like about yourself.

What we "Think" is What We Are

Today, I hope no one will think poorly of me for sharing something I have written in my journal. I am studying a book, "Mind Management" and I am keeping a journal about my thoughts and about what I am learning and/or desire to remember. I have always been intrigued by the power of our thought-processes and the power of our thoughts and I find this book very motivating. I know the scripture, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he," is true. Now, here is my journal entry:

"I am so intrigued by the power of our minds. I could study about this for hours a day. This morning I read the chapter, 'Your Mind Thinks Boundlessly.' I know I was told once after my brain activity had been tested because I was blanking out, that my brain waves were overly active and that even in my resting state they were overly active. Doctors determined that my blank-outs were my brain's way of getting a quick rest. Right or wrong on this analysis, I have always known that my mind never stops. Even Jeff becomes weary (I think--no pun intended) because I share so much of what I am thinking. He frequently says, 'Lori, you are such a deep thinker. Your brain never stops.' Now this morning I read this thought by Mark Twain and I am intrigued:

'What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written, and cannot be written...Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man--the biography of the man himself cannot be written.'

Thus, I see how important it is to control our thoughts. 'As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he,' is a truth revealed. I am what I think about. I do not have the time or convenience (for lack of better words) to waste my thoughts on ridicule of myself or others. Nor should I waste thought on selfish wants and petty imaginings.

Our minds need 'jump-starts' and the searching of scriptures and the reading from the 'best books' do this for me and others. Small children are truly blessed if they have parents read to them. Older children are blessed if they develop a love of reading.

This is so simple as stated on paper and yet so powerful if remembered and put into action!"

Something to Think About; Something to Talk About

As I read the following scriptures and commentary this morning, I thought that it was something to remember and apply and teach to our families on a regular basis—we must never forget:

“And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him. And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?” (Mosiah 2: 23-24)

To go with this, I read the following by Joseph F. Smith:

“I believe that one of the greatest sins of which the inhabitants of the earth are guilty today is the sin of ingratitude, the want of acknowledgement, on their part, of God and his right to govern and control. We see a man raised up with extraordinary gifts, or with great intelligence, and he is instrumental in developing some great principle. He and the world ascribe his great genius and wisdom to himself, He attributes his success to his own energies, labor and mental capacity. He does not acknowledge the hand of God in anything connected with his success, but ignores him altogether and takes the honor to himself; this will apply to almost all the world. In all the great modern discoveries in science, in the arts, in mechanics, and in all material advancement of the age, the world says, ‘We have done it.’ The individual says, ‘I have done it,’ and he gives no honor or credit to God. Now, I read in the revelations through Joseph Smith, the prophet, that because of this, God is not pleased with the inhabitants of the earth but is angry with them because they will not acknowledge his hand in all things.” (Gospel Doctrine pp. 270-71)

Brigham Young said:

“We are not our own, we are bought with a price, we are the Lord’s; our time, our talents, our gold and silver, our wheat and fine flour, our wine and our oil, our cattle, and all there is on this earth that we have in our possession is the Lord’s….
“...There is no man who ever made a sacrifice on this earth for the Kingdom of heaven, that I know anything about, except the Savior. He drank the bitter cup to the dregs, and tasted for every man and for every woman, and redeemed the earth and all things upon it. But he was God in the flesh, or he could not have endured it. ‘But we suffer, we sacrifice, we give something, we have preached so long.’ What for? ‘Why, for the Lord.’ I would not give the ashes of a rye straw for the man who feels that he is making sacrifice for God. We are doing this for our own happiness, welfare and exaltation, and for nobody else’s. This is the fact, and what we do, we do for the salvation of the inhabitants of the earth, not for the salvation of the heavens, the angels, or the Gods.” (Discourses of Brigham Young, pp. 176-77)

— “What’s in Your Name” Game for families with children that can read and write.

Start out by asking your children, “What belongs to you, but other people use it more than you do?” The answer: "Your name!"

Now, write down all participating family member’s names (first and last) on the top of individual papers. Mix them up and pass one name to each participant. If someone gets his own name, trade it with someone else. Now the fun begins.

With a set time period, challenge participants to create as many words as they can from the letters in the name at the top of their paper.

After the set time period has elapsed, have each participant read the words he was able to find.

If you wanted to, you could then talk about names and your family name and how important it is to live so that the name is always thought of “for good.”

DOOR TRIVIA

This might be something fun and that you might wish to start planning for school’s end and summertime stimulation. Post different trivia questions on a main door in your home (perhaps the drinking glass cupboard door). Challenge your children to find the an answer to that day’s question by the following evening for dinner. Then, have an enjoyable table conversation about what was learned. Of course, in the beginning you may need to give help in teaching your children how to investigate, but hey, isn’t this your goal—to have more ways to interact positively with your children? This has many benefits for the doing. Your child has something fun and stimulating to do each day. He keeps his mind open to learning. You will have things to talk about around the dinner table. As already mentioned, you will have a motivation for positive interaction.

To make this even more fun, you could create a rewards program if the reward of “learning” is not enough. 1) If you have more than one child participating, participants of each day could have their name put in box for a drawing that is held weekly or monthly. 2) You could have a prize box for participants to choose from. 3) The winning child of the day could be excused from a chore. 4) Coupons could be earned by a point system and then redeemed when earned. I guess part of the fun of this idea is for you to decide what would best fit the needs of your family. Even the “door question” could be made specifically for each child in the family according to age and you could color code the child’s question thus older children’s questions could be harder than younger children’s questions.

Now, here is a list of possible questions you might ask (just to get your brain flowing):

1) Where was George Washington born? 2) How old is Mickey Mouse? 3) What is the world’s longest river? 4) What is the world’s tallest mountain? 5) How many Presidents of the United States have their been? 6) How heavy was the heaviest person in the world? 7) Why do people’s voices changes when the breath in helium? 8) Why do people hiccup? 9) Why do leaves change color in the fall? 10) What famous people share your birthday?

Kvetching

What is it? It sounds like some form of ball game doesn’t it? I think it would be a good name for a game. Actually, kvetching is Yiddish for “complaining.” Is it good or is it bad? I think it can be either. Are parents allowed kvetching? Should children be allowed to kvetch? I think it all depends on whether or not the kvetching is constructive. Everyone needs the chance to vent—to get things out in the open. The old adage, “children are to be seen and not heard,” is offensive to me. Good, effective communication skills are the hardest things to learn. Why try to quiet children when they are trying to make their challenges known?

Since the word “complaining” is so commonplace in our English language, could “kvetching” be used as a clue word between parent and child or parent to parent, that “Hey, I really need you to listen to me!” A child might say, “Hey dad. I need to do some kvetching.” Dad’s ears perk up and he says, “Okay, let’s hear what you have to say.” This sounds simple, but it would get my attention.

Perhaps a few other things could be considered when it comes to kvetching. 1) For every item that is complained about, the complainer has to have 2 things that he/she can speak well of. 2) As children get older, they need to come to you with a list of possible solutions to the things they are kvetching about. 3) Encourage the child to keep a “Kvetching Journal” wherein he/she writes down the things that disturb him/her. I learned this secret a long time ago: If something is bothering me, I will brood over it trying to remember why I am justified in being upset. Amazingly, as soon as I write everything down, my mind relaxes because it isn’t trying to remember all of its justifications for upset, and moves on. Rarely do I have to refer back to the journal entry because I forget about the upset and have solved the problem while evaluating it on paper.

I hesitate to do so, but here’s wishing you—HAPPY KVETCHING!!!

Who said the following?

I thought it would be fun to see if anyone could guess who said all of the following quotes. The same person said them all and I think he or she pretty much says it all about how I feel about the home, too.

"I look upon the home as the basis from which radiate all good influences. If, in every home in the land, there were a competent father and a helpful mother, our officers of the law would have much less to do in protecting society from the lawless."

"Homes are made permanent through love. Though you neglect some of your business, though you neglect some of your cattle, though you fail to produce full crops, study to hold your children's love."

"In every well-ordered home in the Church, the glad free spirit of childhood is led to honor its country and to worship its God; and every man sees in the home the nucleus of eternal companionship and everlasting life."

"The relationship of the children to the parents should be one which would enable those children to carry out ideal citizenship as they become related to the neighborhood, the Church, and to the larger forms of society. Be extremely careful of those activities which require you to be away from your small children. The secret of good citizenship lies in the home. The secret of instilling faith in God, faith in his Son, the Redeemer of the world, faith in the organizations of the Church, lies in the home. There it is centered."

"The home is truly the basic unit of society, and parenthood is next to Godhead. Let us see that our home is such that if an angel called, he would be pleased to remain."

"In no better way can high achievement in life be better realized than in excelling in the art of home building. In that kind of home we may experience on earth a taste of heaven."

"Would you have a strong and virile nation?--then keep your homes pure. Would you reduce delinquency and crime?--lessen the number of broken homes. It is time that civilized peoples realize that the home largely determines whether children shall be of high or low character. Home-building, therefore, should be the paramount purpose of parents and of the nation. The secret of good citizenship lies in the home."

"I praise God for the instructions he has given his people regarding the sacredness, the sanctity, and permanence of the family relationship and the home. We are living in a most momentous age. We see on every hand manifestations of commotion. The world seemingly is stirred as it has never been stirred before. In the midst of this world of confusion, the home, the fundamental institution of society, is also threatened. One of the highest ideals of life is to keep secure and free from sorrow the homes of the Church and of the nation."

I am making this a contest. In "comments" tell me who you think said all of the above quotes. If you guess correctly and if more than one person guesses correctly, I will put you name in a drawing and give you a game if your name is chosen. Of course, you will need to identify yourself and give me information so that I can get the game to you. Have fun.

Final Questions for “It’s all About You !”

SPENDING TIME:
1) To what organizations have you belonged? List those important to you.
2) What community projects have you worked on? What volunteer work have you ever done?
3) Did you ever make a float for a parade? Were you ever in a parade?
4) To what political party have you belonged? Why? Have you been actively involved in politics? (campaigning, candidate, supporter, etc.)
5) Tell about your health. Have you ever been hospitalized? Why? Did you ever have to use crutches or a wheelchair? What illnesses have you had? Do you wear glasses or a hearing aid? When did you begin to wear them? Do you have any ailments now? Explain.
6) What was your first full-time job? How much did you earn? What were your responsibilities?
7) What other employment have you had? Whom did you work for and for how long? What were your responsibilities? What work have you liked best? Are you retired? When? Was it a big adjustment?
8) Have you had any hobbies? What are they? Do you have any collections (stamps, coins, rocks, embroidery, etc.)?
9) Have you traveled? How many states have you been in? Countries? Have you been on a ship, plane, train, bus? Explain. What was the biggest rip taken as an adult? When, where, and with whom?
10) Have you ever met anyone famous? Tell about it.
11) What moments do you remember most? Tell about one of your sad/happy times. Tell about your most embarrassing moments. What was one of your proudest times? When were you the most frightened? What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?
12) Have you ever seen or been in a disaster? What kind? When? Where? Have you ever been in a flood? Fire? Hurricane? Car accident?
13) Have you ever served in the military or been involved in wartime service? What kind? When and where?
14) What do you do with your time now? What do you want to accomplish before your life is over?
15) Have you lived through historical events? Tell about some of them-first man on the moon, Kennedy assassination, Pearl Harbor, The Cold War, WWII, Berlin Wall built and torn down, the Depressions, major inventions developed, etc.

CHILDREN:
1) What are your children’s names? When and where were they born? Tell about it and how you felt when you found out. How did you choose their names? Are any of the names “family names” passed from one generation to the next?
2) What was each child like as a baby? Cute? Cranky? Did he/she ever get spanked? 3) What chores did she/he have to do? Did you give him/her an allowance? Did he/she behave in school? What grades? What did he/she like to do best? Did he/she keep a clean room? Did he/she do something special to surprise you?
3)What are some of your favorite memories of your family life when your children were growing up?
4) In what ways did you raise your children as you had been raised? In what ways did you raise them differently?
5) What has been most difficult or trying for you as a parent? What was the least difficult?
6) How did you feel when all your children left home?
7) Do you worry about your children?
8) Do you have any grandchildren? How many? How did you feel when you found out you were going to be a grandparent for the first time? How did you find out? How many great-grandchildren do you have? What do you like best about being a grandparent?

FEELINGS:
1) Do you believe in God? Why?
2) To what religion do you belong? Do you go to church regularly? What is it like in your church? What do they teach you? Are you a teacher?
3) Were you baptized? How, when where? Tell about it.
4) Have you ever gone on a mission? Where? Tell about it.
5) Have you ever had any spiritual experiences? Tell about them.
6) Do you believe in life after death? Are you afraid to die?
7) Write your testimony of your religious beliefs.
8) What are some of your favorite scriptures and quotes?
9) What are some of your favorite books?
10) As you look back, do you have any favorite years? What made them so special? Is there a time you would like to live over?
11) What do you value most in a friend? Who are some of your dearest friends? Tell about them.
12) What issues or causes have you felt strongly about?
13) In times of trouble, who or what has helped you pull through?
14) What major happenings in the world have affected your life most?
15) How do you feel about the future?
16) What advice can you give?
17) What is your creed for living a good life?

President Spencer W. Kimball said: “I urge all of the people of this church to give serious attention to their family histories, to encourage their parents and grandparents to write their journals, and let no family go into eternity without having left their memoirs for their children, their grandchildren, and their posterity. This is a duty and a responsibility.” May 1978 Ensign, pg. 4

Even More of More of “It’s All About You!”

TRADITIONS-HOLIDAYS:
1) Tell about your family traditions. Food, music, reading, etc.
2) What were the traditional or favorite recipes served at family gatherings?
3) Did you have family reunions? Tell about them.
4) What did you do on New Year’s Eve?
5) Tell about Valentine’s Day. Did you make valentines? How did you deliver them? Did you have a valentine box at school? Did you ever get flowers or candy?
6) Tell about Easter. Did you dye eggs? How? Did you hide eggs and Easter baskets? Did you go to church?
7) Tell about decoration or Memorial Day. Did you take flowers to the cemetery?
8) Tell about the Fourth of July. Did you have fireworks? Did your family have a picnic?
9) Tell about Halloween. What did you wear for costumes? Did you make your own? Buy one? Did you have a party? Did you play tricks on anyone or visa versa? Were you scared of ghosts, goblins, and witches? Did you go trick-or treating?
10) Tell about Thanksgiving. Did you have a turkey. What else? Who came to dinner? Did you go somewhere besides home to eat?
11) Tell about Christmas. Did you celebrate it? Did Santa visit your house? Did you ever see or talk to him? Did you write him letters? Did you hang a stocking? What did Santa leave in it? What time did you get up in the morning? Did you have a tree? Buy it? Cut it? What were the decorations like? What gifts did you get and give? Tell about your most memorable Christmas. Tell about Christmas Eve. Was it hard to get to sleep? Did you have a nativity scene and talk about Jesus?
12) How did you celebrate your birthdays? Did you ever have a party? Tell about it or them. Which birthday do you remember most?
13) What was the best gift you ever received when you were growing up? What was the best gift you ever gave?
14) Where there any other traditional events celebrated in your home? What family traditions have been most meaningful to you?

DATING/MARRIAGE:
1) How old were you when you started dating? Tell about your first date. Did you date a lot? Did your parents have to approve of your dates? Tell about your first kiss. Did you think you were popular? Were you ever shy? What did you think about yourself? Were you engaged more than once?
2) How did you meet your mate? How old were you? What attracted you to him/her? Tell about your courtship. Where did you go on dates? Describe him/her. Tell about the proposal and engagement ring. How long did you go together before you were engaged? How long were you engaged?
3) When and where was the wedding? What did you wear? What is your strongest memory from your wedding? Who was there (in general)? Tell about your honeymoon.
4) What was your adjustment to marriage? Were there any surprises?
5) Did you know how to cook when you were first married? Were there any cooking disasters?
6) What work did you do to make a living? Did you both work?
7) Tell a favorite story or two about your mate.
8) Have you been married more than once? If so, when, why, and to whom?
9) How are times different then than now? Entertainment, cleaning house, chores, toys, transportation, money/economy, working, cooking, raising a family, shopping.
10) What do we have now that you didn’t have then?
11) What did you have then that we don’t have now?
12) Tell about the home(s) you have lived in. Your first, second, etc. Where have you most enjoyed living and why?
13) Did you and your mate ever disagree about anything? Did you sulk, pout, or argue? How did you solve your problems?

If you can't follow through with these questions and interviews now, please be sure to copy and paste them for your future reference. These questions are great starters!

Even More of “It’s All About You!”

More questions to help complete a personal history. (This is going to be such a treasure! I’m excited for your family.)

GRAMMAR SCHOOL:
1) What was the name of your school, where was it, and what did it look like? How did you get there? Walk, ride? How far was it from your house? Were you ever late?
2) What did you do at recess? What games did you play? Did you ever have a Maypole or a field day? What was the playground like? What was lunchtime like? School or sack lunch? Where did you eat?
3) Did you ever play hookey? Tell about it.
4) What classes or subjects do you remember? Did you have homework? How much? What kind of grades did you get? What were your favorite/worst classes or subjects?
5)What teachers do you remember? Did you have a mean/good teacher? Were you ever teacher’s pet?
6) In what activities did you participate? Were you ever on a school team? If you were a member of a club(s), what was it? Were you ever involved in music or drama? Were you in the school band? Did you go to school dances? Were you involved in sports?
7) What did you like best about school? What did you like least?
8) What honors did you receive? Were you ever a school or class officer? Did you receive awards or prizes for achievements in athletics, scholarship, etc.?
9) What songs or dances were popular?
10) What kind of clothing did you wear? Were there fads? How were they different than clothes worn by young people today?

JR. HIGH SCHOOL:
Repeat the same questions that were given in Grammar School with this one additional question:

1) What did you do on Jr. High Graduation Night? What did you wear? Did you have a date?

HIGH SCHOOL:

Again, all of the questions are the same except for this one:

1) What did you do on High School Graduation Night? What did you wear? Did you have a date?

POST HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION:
1) Did you attend school after high school? Where? How long? What was your major course of study? Did you graduate? What honors or degrees did you earn? Did you belong to a sorority or fraternity?
3) Apart from school, what have been your most important learning experiences?

More of “It’s All About You!”

How’s your determination to get answers to yesterday’s questions going? Still thinking about the need to do so? If you’re answer is “yes,” don’t feel bad, you’re not alone. Here are a few more questions. (I just had a thought that maybe you could add some of these questions to your “conversation jar.” You’re children love to here about your life, too!) Well, here’s the questions.

GROWING UP:
1) When you were a young child, what did you look like? What was your hair color? Did you have freckles? Were you fat or skinny? When you were a teenager, what did you look like?
2)What is the very first thing you remember?
3)Where did you live? What do you remember about your home(s)? Draw a floor plan of your home(s). How big was your yard? How many rooms did your home have? Did you have a barn or other buildings? Was there an attic or creepy room that scared you? Draw a map of your neighborhood and where your friends lived.
4) How big was your room? What did it look like? Did you have to share it? Could you keep it messy if you wanted?
5) How many people lived in your house? Did relatives come to visit? Did they stay long?
6) What appliances did you have in your home (for cooking, washing, heating, etc.)? Did you have electricity or did you use lamps? Did you have an indoor bathroom or an outhouse?
7) What was your favorite thing in the whole house? Did you save anything?
8) Were you ever punished? Why and how were you punished? Where was your favorite place to go when you were sad or angry? Did you ever run away from home or just hide from your parents? Why? Were you ever grounded? Did you ever talk back to your parents or other adults?
9) What was your bedtime? Did you ever have sleepovers? Tell about them.
10) Who pulled your teeth? How was it done? How much did the Tooth Fairy leave for a tooth?
11) Did you live where there was snow? Did you make snowmen? What other things did you do in the snow?
12) Did you have best friends? Name and describe them. Did you have fights and secrets?
13) Were you ever teased? How and who did it? Was there a bully who picked on you?
14) What household chores did you have to do? What kind of work have you done for pay? How much did you earn? What responsibilities did you have?
15) Was your mom a good cook? What were some thing you had to eat? Did you have a special place at the table? What were your favorite foods? What were your least favorite foods?
16) Did you have any pets? Tell about them. What were their names.
17) What did you do for fun? What games did you play? Did you have a favorite toy or toys?
18) Were you ever sick? Tell about it. Were you afraid of doctors or shots? Did you ever go to the hospital? Have you had stitches or broken bones? Did you have your tonsils out? Were you ever quarantined? What medicines did your mother give you? Did you ever have warts?
19) Did you have any favorite books or stories? Did you go to the library?
20) What did you want to be when your grew up? What did your parents want you to do or be?
21) Do you remember how much things cost? What years? (clothes, toys, food, gasoline, movies, stamps, etc.)
22) Did you get an allowance? How did you spend your money? What could you buy for a quarter?
23) How old were you when you learned to drive? How often did you get to take the family car? What kind of car was it? Did you have your own car?
24) Who most influenced your thinking? At what age? Why? Did you have a mentor-someone you admired and followed?
25) As a teenager, how did you get along with your parents? Your brothers and? Did you like being a teenager?
26) When did you move away from home? Where did you go and why?
27) What types of recreation did you enjoy? Did you go swimming, fishing, skating, state fair, amusement parks, camping, traveling? Tell about it.

Tomorrow I will give you questions about “Grammar School,” “Jr. High School,” “High School,” and “Post High School Education.”

Conversation Ball (An Object Lesson) & Lovely Thoughts for Your Conversation Jars

Getting conversations rolling during dinner may be difficult; especially if you have older children that have learned that they don’t have to talk if they don’t want to. So here’s an idea to help you bring the point home on the importance of learning to converse with one another: 1) Gather several balls. 2) Have family members sit on the floor on the opposite side of the room. 3) Throw the balls to individuals with the instruction to “catch it and hold it in your lap.” 4) When all have balls in their laps, just sit and look at them for a moment or two until someone asks you what point you are trying to make. 5) At this point say, “It really isn’t much of a game until you throw the ball back to me is it? Then point out that conversation also requires people to toss their ideas back and forth to one another. Point out that if your “catch” another person’s comment but fail to return a comment of your own, it is like holding the ball in you lap. The game is dead-ended. 6) Now, practice “throwing” words back and forth with family members. You might ask, “Joe, Did you have a good time with Grandma, today ?” If Joe responds, Yes,” then he has caught your words but has failed to return any words back to me. If Joe responds with, “Yes, we had ice cream!” Joe has learned to return the conversation ball. 7) Be sure to point out how well family members are playing conversation ball during the passing days.

Although I could supply you with lots more conversation questions for your Conversation Jars, I got thinking in the night that good quotes are fun to talk about, too. So, look up “conversation starters” on Google if you want more of them. Here now, I will include some lovely quotes that might add meaningful conversations to your meals (They can be copied and then pasted into your word processor. Print them up, cut them and add them to your Conversation Jar:

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along’….You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes God calms the storm raging around us, and sometimes He calms us and lets the storm rage on.

To Have striven, to have made an effort, to have been true to certain ideals—this alone is worth the struggle. We are here to add what we can to, not to get what we can from life.—Sir William Osler

This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good!

Security is not born of inexhaustible wealth but of unquenchable faith. Spencer W. Kimball

A heart stitched with prayer is more precious to God than a tapestry of gold.

God made you as you are in order to use you as He planned.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. Helen Keller

Worldly hope is wishful thinking, gentle dreaming of fairies, magic wands, and limitless credit card balances. Christ-centered hope focuses on the truth that with God nothing is impossible.

The Lord saved for now those spirits who would have the courage and determination to face the world, and all the powers of the evil one and who would build up the Zion of our God, fearless of all consequences. George Q. Cannon

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day. Alexander Woolcott

We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
Mother Teresa

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. Henry Van Dyke

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. Henry Drummond

I think that God means that we shall do more than we have yet done in furtherance of his plans and he will open the way for our doing. Abraham Lincoln

Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity. Margaret D. Nadauld

We salute you, sisters, for the joy that is yours as you rejoice in a baby’s first smile and as you listen with eager ear to a child’s first day at school which bespeaks a special selflessness. Women, more quickly than others, will understand the possible dangers when the word self is militantly placed before other words like fulfillment. You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms. Neal A. Maxwell.

The right way to pray for the answer to all your problems is to feel and know that the Indwelling God knows only the answer. Because this is true, you will only know the answer and recall the truth: God never faileth. Joseph Murphy

Time is really all we have. And every individual has an equal portion of it. The trick is to get more out of what is available to us. Gordon B. Hinckley

Truly, there is nothing more vital to our success and our happiness here in mortality that learning to hear the voice of the Spirit, for it is the Spirit who reveals to us our identity-which isn’t just who we are, but who we have always been. Sheri L. Dew

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it. Mother Teresa

There is no obstacle too great, no challenge too difficult, if we have faith. Gordon B. Hinckley

Self trust is the essence of heroism. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Only the Lord can compare crosses, but all crosses are easier to carry when we keep moving. Neal A. Maxwell

For the faithful, our finest hours are sometimes during or just following our darkest hours. Neal A. Maxwell

Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. Henry Van Dyke

Solitude is bearable only with god. Andre’ Gide

You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth. Shira Tehrani

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. William James

If...we truly want the best for our sons and daughters, we would want for them—not status—but more meekness, mercy, love, patience, and submissiveness. Neal A. Maxwell

With every ounce of...obedience comes a bushel of blessings. Neal A. Maxwell

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

If you suffer pain and heartache, for the good that you have done, God has honored you and blessed you, to become just like His son. Peter G. Czerny

Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate. Sheri L. Dew

Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength. Ralph Sockman

I wonder sometimes if we realize the importance of music. I wonder if we know that the Lord himself is concerned about it. Pres. George Albert Smith

We must be clear about our most crucial role as women if we hope to stand steadfast and immovable regarding the issues that swirl around our gender. For Satan has declared war on motherhood. He knows that those who rock the cradle can rock his earthly empire. And he knows that without righteous mothers loving and leading the next generation, the kingdom of God will fail. Sheri L. Dew

To withdraw into our private sanctuaries not only deprives others of our love, our talents, and our service, but it also deprives us of chances to serve, to love, and to be loved. Neal A. Maxwell

I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we “accentuate the positive.” I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. Gordon B. Hinckley

All my life I’ve wanted to be somebody. But I see now I should have been more specific. Jane Wagner

I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education which I received from my mother. George Washington

Don’t let life discourage you. Everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was. Richard L. Evans

God does not begin by asking us about our ability, but only about our availability, and if we then prove our dependability, he will increase our capability! Neal A. Maxwell

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is. Albert Einstein

We can do no great things—only small things with great love. Mother Teresa

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. Helen Keller

Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you’re alive, it isn’t. Richard Bach

Prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night. Thomas Fuller

If wickedness never was happiness, then righteousness never was misery.

I do not pray for success. I ask for faithfulness. Mother Teresa

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in my pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return. Mary Jean Iron

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln

Only God can fully know what absolute honesty is. Therefore each of us has to conceive what this great ideal may be to the best of our ability. Bill W.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Teresa

What you possess in the world will be found at the day of your death to belong to someone else. But what you are will be yours forever. Henry Van Dyke

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa

If we find nothing of interest where we are, we are likely to find little of lasting interest where we wish to go. Edwin Way Teale

The greatest happiness you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness. William Saroyan

Be such a man, and live such a life, that if every man were such as you, and every life a life like yours, this earth would be God’s Paradise. Phillips Brooks

We are each of us angels with only one wing, & we can only fly by embracing one another. Luciano de Crescenzo

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice. Cherokee Expression

We should not complain about our own life’s not being a rose garden when we remember who wore the crown of thorns. Neal A. Maxwell

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. Harold Whitman

We are more than what we do, much more than what we accomplish...far more than what we possess. William Arthur Ward

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. Steven R. Covey

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that make happiness. Charles Spurgeon

When you’re having a genuine bad hair day and someone says, “Have a nice day,” simply respond with, “Thanks, but I’ve made other plans!”

Virtue and morality surely must be true principles of God; otherwise, why would we feel so badly when those we love are not virtuous or morally clean? Lori Nelson Bennett

Inspiration comes more as a feeling than as a sound. Elder Boyd K. Packer

It is the grand privilege of every Latter-day Saint...to have the manifestations of the spirit every day of our lives. Pres. Lorenzo Snow

Every man has the privilege to exercise these gifts and these privileges in the conduct of his own affairs; in bringing up his children in the way they should go; in the management of his business, or whatever he does. It is his right to enjoy the spirit of revelation and of inspiration to do the right thing, to be wise and prudent, just and good, in everything that he does. Pres. Harold B. Lee

Because it raises our spirits and helps us resist evil and seek good, the feeling of uplift that is communicated by reading the scriptures or by enjoying wholesome music, art, or literature is a distinct function (as well as a form) of revelation. Dallin H. Oaks


Restraint is one of the most common functions of revelation. It often comes by surprise. Even though we have not asked for revelation or guidance on a particular subject, if we are keeping the commandments of God and living in tune with his Spirit, a restraining force will steer us away from things we should not do. Dallin H. Oaks

A person may profit by noticing the first intimation of the spirit of revelation; for instance, when you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas...and thus by learning the Spirit of God and understanding it, you may grow into the principle of revelation. Prophet Joseph Smith

All of us are entitled to the spirit of prophecy & of revelation in our lives, both for our personal affairs & in our ministry. The prayerful study & pondering of the holy scriptures will do as much , or more than any other single thing, to bring that spirit, the spirit of prophecy and the spirit of revelation, into our lives. Elder Bruce R. McConkie

Conversation Starters

Yesterday I promised that I would give ideas on conversation starters. I’ve been collecting them for years. As a parent, you might want to keep a few basic questions printed on a 3X5 card to enable you to have conversations with your children privately or collectively while in the car, at the dinner table or at bedtime. Here’s a short list to choose from for your 3X5 card:

If you could ask God one question, what would it be?

What was the __________ (choose one: most challenging, funniest, most surprising, most amazing) thing that happened to you today?

Tell me your favorite joke.

What was the nicest thing you did for someone else today? How did it make you feel? What was the nicest thing that someone else did for you today? How did it make you feel?

If you were writing a Blog about your day, what would the title be?

Describe your day in three words.

Describe “the perfect day,” from the time you wake up until you go to bed.

In two minutes, tell me as much about your day as you can.

Teach me one thing that you learned today that you think I don’t know.

If you were the President of the United States, name one thing that you would change about our country immediately.

What do you think the world needs—right now?

If you were given $1000, how would you spend it?

What can I do for you that would make your life better?

If you were on a deserted island for a year and you could choose one thing to have with you, what would you want?

If you could invent something that would make life better, what would it be?

In your opinion, what is the greatest invention ever made?

If you could visit with a person from history, who would it be? Why?

If you could be an Olympian, what sport would you like to participate in?

If you were to loose one of your senses and you could choose which one it was, which sense do you think you would choose? Why? If it had to be sight or hearing, which one?

Why do so many people enjoy going to the Disney parks?

If you could go on a vacation anywhere in the United States, where would you go?

If you could make a movie, what would it be about? What type would it be? (Drama, history, comedy, mystery?)

Now for questions to put in your Conversation Jar. Let’s start with the humorous conversation starters that I have been saving. Perhaps you can come up with more humorous ones as well and maybe even find some that younger children will enjoy. Consider printing these conversations starters with humor on green paper (or color of your choice), then when the family seems to need humor, someone can be instructed to pull out a “green” slip of paper for that evening’s conversation around the dinner table. Here’s the humorous list:

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?    

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of  bald men?

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

As income tax time  approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells... 'THEIRS'?

Now copy and paste these ideas into your word processor. I make 3 columns with mine (you get more to a page that way), and print them, cut them up a put them in a cute little jar or box. Start your fun conversations tonight. (Even older couples can use the stimulation for conversations.) I’ll include more conversation starters tomorrow. Until then, enjoy dinner at your home!